One of the things I hate about this industry in how full of misconceptions it is. Here are the 8 stereotypes that I hear the most often, and why I think they are not true! Curious what else I’ve written on sex work? You can view all of the other pieces under my sex work tab.
- There’s something wrong with people who pay for sex/they can’t get someone on their own
This is absolutely not true! There are so many reasons people hire escorts – they are looking for something specific that is hard to find, they aren’t looking for a relationship, they’re traveling, they don’t have time to meet people, escorts are simply easier, or maybe they just really like a particular person who happens to be an escort. Hiring an escort doesn’t say anything about how you look, what your personality is like, or your ability to attract people without paying them.
- People who hire sex workers are unattractive Like the above point, this is certainly not always true. Clients look like anything and everything! Some are very traditionally attractive, others are specific “types” of alternative attraction, others still have average looks or are conventionally unattractive. But everyone has different types that they are into, so in my opinions it doesn’t matter what you look like.
- All clients are men/able bodied/white Clients can be absolutely anyone – from able bodied white men to people who have a disability, people of colour, and/or women and trans folks. That said, hiring a sex worker is a luxury that is more accessible to those who have a certain means, which means that able bodied white men are more likely to be able to afford our services. Some people (such as myself and Alexis Hope), offer discounted services to marginalized communities. Sometimes it takes a bit of hunting to find that info (the FAQ page on Alexis’ site gives you this info), but if you don’t see it, it may be worth sending the provider an email to see.
- If you offer more money, you can get things they have previously said “no” to Stop that right now. All this makes us think is that you’re going to ignore our policies and rules and that you’re going to be awful to us. It makes us think that you’re going to violate our boundaries and, well, we won’t want to see you. Yes, some escorts may see you anyway. But they’ll go into it expecting you to be awful to them.
- Escorts have addictions, pimps, or are abused Like clients, escorts can be anyone, from any walk of life. Sex workers get into the industry for any and all reasons, and we stay in it for all kinds of reasons, too. Some of us do have addictions, pimps, or a history of abuse. Others don’t. Having a history of abuse or addiction doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with the worker or that we shouldn’t be in the field – sex work is as nuanced as any other industry (probably more-so), and the incentives are equally complex.
- It’s always a means to an ends For some, yes. Many of us are doing the job because we have no choice, because we need the money, because we’re trying to make money for something else. For others, sex work is amazing. We love it and couldn’t imagine doing anything else. We’re in this industry for the long-term, it’s our career, and it’s all we want to do. No matter why we’re a sex worker, however, we should still be treated with the same amount of respect, compassion, and goodwill.
- We aren’t actually attracted to you
Not to sound like a broken record, but it depends on the people. Personally, I am attracted to all of my clients to varying degrees. I have a preference for older folks and like almost all “types”. So I’m able to find things I find attractive in everyone I see, and this works for me. But even if I don’t find someone attractive, it is my job to make you feel sexy, wanted, and hot. If I think that I won’t be able to do that to/for you, I will not accept your booking, and that’s a failure on my part. Making the client feel good and feel wanted is my job, and a part of my job that I pride myself on being able to do well.
- We spend all day fucking as many clients as we can Again – sure, some do. Others don’t. But, like any freelance industry, certain times of the year are busier than others. There are some months where your inbox is blowing up non-stop, and then other months where you don’t get a single bite no matter how many ads you post. That’s just the industry (and one of my least favourite parts of it). You may be our only client that day, our first, or our fifth, but we will do our best to make you not think about the others, to make you feel as important and special in our lives as we can.
Now that that’s covered, head over and find out my 9 tips for your first time hiring an escort!
What are some other annoying stereotypes about escorts or hiring an escort? What are some things you wish you could tell your clients? What are some other questions you may have about sex work/sex workers? Let me know in the comments below or email email@example.com!
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