The Best Of: September + #SoSS #3

Work

• I spoke at my second Sexual Attitude Reassessment (SAR)! My seminar was about sex work, and since I decided to skip Summer Camp this year, I was able to present in person and it was a really great experience (SARs are kind of a big deal in the psych field).
• I released six pieces this month (I’m still working on my “only five posts a month” goal :P): #SoSS #1 and #2:, Spotlights on Helen’s Toy Box and Pleasure Connoisseurs, an essay on chronic illness, and a review of a social media/blog marketing program, of all things.
• Another #SexEdPornReviews installment for Pink and White! This one starred Mona Wales and Natalie Chen and vintage vibes.
• This month I got the Packer Gear and Sport STPs as well as the Slingshot STP Harness from Spectrum Boutique! I still haven’t gotten used to using them, to be totally honest, but I’m getting there. Eventually there will be some reviews and photos of raunchy watersports action, and I can’t wait!
• Did a whole buncha little edits to how my site looks and the content on it, including (finally) revamping my about and contact pages, my sidebar, and more updates to my escorting site.
• Caz Killjoy also included me on a list of 30+ people to know in the field of disability and sexuality! This is a non-exhaustive list, contact them if you’d like to be added!

Photography

• My babe Eda Blackwood was in the city and we managed to meet up. We spent a few hours catching up before she left the city again, and managed to plan a very extensive photoshoot for early October; it’ll be my first all-day photoshoot, and I’m really looking forward to the experience!
• Speaking of photography! With a bit of effort, I carved out a corner of my room that I can use as a permanent, set-up studio! I’m really excited about this as I never expected to get this until I move, but tada! There’s even room for a backdrop, once I have the cash to get the stand. Want to help me get my goals?
• Thanks to my photography nook, I’ve been taking a bunch of new escorting photos, some of which can be found at #DailyDoseOfTJM – NSFW, all images with alt text.
• I’m also taking photos for one of Kate Sloan‘s pieces in October! Want to see other photos I’ve done for her? Pain, Punishment, & Pretty Girls at The Ritual Chamber, Stockroom Neon Angel Bust Harness, and KinkLab Pink Bound Leather Leash.

Travel, People, Misc

• I took a quick jaunt out to Ohio to visit a certain lawyer boy (and ate so many snacks!).
• While there, I had the absolute delight of meeting Mr Promiscuous of Adult Conversations, who is a freaking darling, let me tell you! We got coffee and got to know each other until the cafe closed around us, and it was a lovely time. I’m really glad that our schedules happened to work out.
• Indigo wrote me a Gaston meme, my favourite of all the memes
• I got my results back from a test that helps determine what mental health meds work better/worse for you and why, and highly recommend it! It’s available in Canada and the States. Read more.
• My dominant is visiting! He just arrived and will be here for the rest of the week. The visit is short this time, but I’m always glad to see him.

• Blogger Guidebook
  I’ve made the most progress creating resource lists for where to guest post and appear on podcasts, which I will be posting on my site as I work on them – first I need to find a plugin that displays Google Sheets in an aesthetic way; suggestions? I hate all of the ones that I’ve looked at. Want to help with the guidebook? Great! Send me a message, I could use some more help on this!
  
  

  Don’t know what this is all about? People have said that they need transparent access to information. This guidebook will contain information ranging from setting up a site to making pitches to where you can appear in podcasts/guest posts/twitter chats to common pitfalls to dealing with imposter syndrome and more. This book will be free and publicly available on the internet for everyone to access. Get in touch to contribute!

• Sex Blogger Stats
  My survey has received 69 responses! My initial target was 50, but I decided to extend it to a max of 100. Honestly I’m not really sure when I’ll decide to stop trying to collect data; right now I just have lazy promos going for it until I have the time to sit down and start analyzing the data.
  
  

  Don’t know what this is all about? It’s intended to gather stats on the industry which will then be used as a way to more effectively track where you are and how you compare with your peers, depending on demographics. If you haven’t filled it out already or if you know someone who hasn’t, fill it out and send it on!

• Accessibility Upgrade
  Between travel, being sick, and life in general, I unfortunately didn’t have time to work on this project this month. I’d love to prioritize this, considering how important it is, and so I’ve come up with several enticing and permanent ways you can advertise through my site while sponsoring accessibility. Email me to hear more! Anyone can sponsor; companies, manufacturers, other educators, or anyone with a website, and there are options for every budget!
  
  Don’t know what this is all about? I’m working to improve the accessibility of my site by adding alt text to all images without them; making sure all the posts have accurate trigger warnings where needed; going over the language I’ve used and correcting anything that I notice to be offensive, rude, or incorrect; and adding audio recordings of me reading my essays to each piece.
  
  
• Read, Comment, and Share More
  Hooray, completed! There’s always room to improve further, but my RSS feed is complete, I started participating in #SoSS posts, including below! I’ve been really enjoying reading more of what people are saying, and would like to do more of it outside my #SoSS pieces, too.

30 Things I Learned Surviving Being Queer, Poor, and Mentally Ill (Via Betty Butch)

“Being a queer, poor, mentally ill 20-something was just a series of lessons about crisis management where all the answers boiled down to ‘do whatever it takes to outlive your problems’.” Reflecting upon lessons learned is always useful, and Betty’s reflections hit close to home for me. She splits them up into 10 things on queer identity, 10 on poverty, and 10 on mental health, and a lot of them are very poignant and relatable to my life as well.

Love, Sex, Kink – a Venn Diagram (Via Kink Striped)

An interesting take on the intersection between love, sex, kink, and that sweet spot where they must overlap for Zebra Rose to get her needs properly met. While she and I have different Venn diagrams, I relate to a lot of what she says about needing kink. About how it fulfills her differently, about how a strong connection to your kink partner can make it so much stronger and more satisfying. Personally, that person doesn’t need to be a partner, just someone who shows how much they care, and who treats me as if I’m not just another Dominant. While our needs and opinions don’t fully overlap, I enjoyed reading something akin to my experience.

Six Things to Remember When You’re Negotiating (Via Bex Talks Sex)

One thing Bex is extremely skilled at is negotiation and communication tips. In this piece, he explains his acronym “SIMMER” (sex, intensity, meta-communication, motivations, end, and risk assessment), used to identify six areas that require negotiations, and he provides in-depth explanations into the importance of each, various questions you can ask, and some reasons why he’s modeling the conversation in that manner.

That Time I Filmed My Solo Sex (Via Your Heavenly Body)

Trying to love your body more fully can be incredibly hard. For many, myself included, making porn or filming your sex is a great tool for helping with this, one that I wish there was more discussion around. Aria Vega’s piece explores her choice to film for Make Love Not Porn (an amazing “real world sex” site that showcases humans fucking however they do, not studio-shot porn videos), what was rewarding about the experience, and what she wants to do differently next time. It’s a great, sweet piece.

Things I Learned on my Summer Vacation (Via Yes. Please. More.)

I like knowing what people have learned. Kaja Echo shares lessons she has learned through blogging about herself, about community (the sex blogging community specifically), and her career path, and a lot of them – such as “i don’t enjoy working for people; i enjoy working with people”, “i enjoy helping others reach their goals, specifically other writers and sex educators”, or “often, all you have to do is ask” – are ones that resonate with me. I’m glad to see this industry helping the people in it!