To All My Cis Lovers

Do not treat me as if I am a novelty;
your learning moment;
the giver of unpaid educational labour

My body was not built, carefully, purposefully, for you.
My gender and expression belong to me alone

When I remove my shirt for you for the first time,
The response had better not be that I
“Look natural”
or worse yet –
“Look normal
As if my body’s worth is inherently at odds with yours
And how successfully I perform a cis gender appearance
dictates how worthy I am
of love
of lust
of care.
Please do not exclaim “I can’t even see your scars!”
Or ask if I have even had surgery

There are more ways to be trans than you realize
There is more than one option when it comes to sculpting our bodies

Ask me;
“How would you like me to interact with your body?”
“What do you like?”
“What words to you use to describe yourself?”
These are questions you should be asking all your lovers
Bodies and pleasure are not one-size-fits-all

Remember that your questions,
as well-meant as they are,
Have been asked time and time again.
And when we’re trying to feel sexy?
Might not be the time to ask
“Do your parents still speak to you?”
“Did you always know your body ‘was wrong’?”
“Can you still reproduce?”
“Can you even cum?”
“Have you had the surgery?”
These are our scars that you’re so carelessly poking at
And your questions speak more
to your assumptions of “other”
than our actual lives
And I do not consent to you trying to pick at my wounds
there’s a time and a place for that
it does not exist in the same moment
as my performance of sexuality.
When I disrobe, I’m giving a different type of performance
my skin is not your teaching moment.

I am not brave
nor strong
Not broken
I do not hate this body
nor this life
I do not want you to think
That you “could never tell!” that I am trans
While yes, others will disagree with me on all points

Treat me as you would any other lover
As one who is powerful
and knows themself
And is respected

My body is not your casual learning moment
Sex is not the time for a 101 crash course
in how to respect a human
Who is not like you

To All My Cis Lovers Featured Image


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