Sorry, CJ Hooker: I’m not Quite Hooked

Hole Punch Toys' CJ Hooker lies on the ground outdoors, in what appears to be a forested area.

Hole Punch Toys is this fantastic silicone toy maker located in Minneapolis. They make delights such as the SQURM, a revolver, and a Chewbacca penis, and are one of the few companies that I want absolutely every single one of their toys.

I was delighted to add their CJ Hooker to my collection, having been eyeing it for years due to its gorgeous colour, and the fact that it’s shaped pretty similarly to my dominant’s cock.

Hole Punch Toys' CJ Hooker lies on the ground outdoors, in what appears to be a forested area. There’s something intensely charming to me about a realistic penis that’s produced only in colours you’d expect from a highlighter, which is one of the things that drew me to the CJ Hooker initially. It has decently-sized, non-symmetrical balls, a shaft that changes in girth and has a slight curve to the left, and a pronounced – circumcised – head. There are some small veins throughout the shaft and the balls are also a suction cup, making this toy stick very well to walls – I had this in my bag one night at a local cafe/bar, Glad Day, and a friend thought it would glow in the dark. The bar staff graciously permitted us to stick it to the wall under a light for 20 minutes to test, and while it unfortunately didn’t glow, it did make a nice decoration in the meantime! It is loosely modeled after the company owner’s penis, as disclosed here.

It is a decently-sized dildo; 7″ tall and 5.5″ circumference at its widest point (which is the same size as the Tantus Cush, except the Cush’s girth is more universal). I consider the CJ Hooker to be a large toy for my body, but not one that’s unmountable.

It is made out of soft silicone; there is a decent amount of squeeze to it in your hand, though it is still quite firm and the silicone has a lot of drag to it, which makes it feel larger in me than a toy of similar dimensions such as the Cush.

When using the CJ Hooker, I find the curve to be a little bit cumbersome. If the curve was any more dramatic, I would not enjoy it. As it stands, the curve is gentle enough that I find it still stimulates my gspot when used normally (ie not twisted so that it curves toward my belly button). The prominent head ends up being much more noticeable and uncomfortable for me – I enjoy this toy being inside me, and I enjoy slower, shallower thrusts, but rapid thrusting or thrusting the entire toy in and out feels unpleasant for me. Those who enjoy more texture and/or are accustomed to larger toys will likely not find this to be an issue.

I find the balls of the CJ Hooker to make a great handle and prefer to flip the dildo upside-down to use, angling the balls so they stimulate the underside of my clitoral shaft when thrusting, the curve of the toy pointing toward my left side. My thumb and pinky fingers fit perfectly in the groove where the balls meet the dildo, and it feels much more comfortable and controllable than when the CJ Hooker is used right-side-up. Based on my anatomy, I can use it this way and there’s still room to fit my PalmPower Recharge on the upper part of my clitoral head and shaft, grinding against the dildo in order to achieve an easy, predictable orgasm.

Hole Punch Toy's CJ Hooker rests on top a tree where a limb once was. Its balls are in the stump and the head points away to the right. You can see a tree and water in the background.I enjoy this dildo, but physically it’s a little bit underwhelming for my preferences. I like the CJ Hooker best for its aesthetics, and the fact that it’s named “hooker”, but I can’t really imagine this dildo to ever be one that I’ll be specifically wanting to use to jerk off with, other than for the novelty of seeing the highlighter green colour disappear into my cunt. That said, I do have good orgasms when using it, and it’s one I’ll gladly use on others.

So, who might like it?

  • People who prefer girths on 5″+ on toys of this density (I prefer around 4.7″ at this density or a dual density silicone if it’s larger)
  • Those who enjoy more texture on their toys
  • People who use suction cups
  • Those who enjoy realistic cocks in non-realistic colours

You can buy the CJ Hooker from SheVibe (US) or Come as you Are (Canada).

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This item was given to me in exchange for an honest review. That said, my opinions have not been impacted by this.

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